Leaving the greenhouse

My journey in a life of prayer has definitely had it’s ups and downs.  I spent 2 years in a “greenhouse” of prayer, where my job was actually to pray.  I was employed as an intercessory missionary at IHOP-KC, and I absolutely loved it.  In retrospect, prayer was easy.  Though I walked through difficult seasons in those 2 years as I said “yes” to God’s process of changing and healing me, it was definitely “easy.”  To be surrounded by hundreds of other weaklings like myself who were all choosing to press in to God in prayer with their lives, was the biggest encouragement I could imagine to receive.  It was easy to stir myself up and press in again, because everyone around me was doing it too.

Then I left the greenhouse.  I moved home to Canada, got married, and locked in to a 9-5 job.  I suddenly had a job that didn’t make me pray, I had a lot less free time to myself than I had when I was single, and I was no longer surrounded by a few hundred people who were pressing in hard.  This has formed the context of my journey into a life of prayer in the 9-5 world.  The big question is: “how do I pick myself up, shake off the dust, and press in again day after day?  How do I keep moving forward with a life of prayer, now that I’m out of the greenhouse?”

I learned a paradigm-shifting truth over my first weekend in “the greenhouse”, which was ironically 8 years ago this week.  This truth has been my greatest source of encouragement as I run my race (which has felt more like dragging a cart through mud on most days).  I looked at prayer in the context of an incomplete view of Luke 18:1-8.  The first 5 verses are the parable of the widow who persistently nagged and bugged the unrighteous judge for justice in her plea, and he eventually gave in to her because that annoying persistence.  The problem is, I stopped at verse 5.  I thought that prayer was just me asking God for something until I finally wore Him down and He gave me my request.  The problem with this paradigm is that it leaves you feeling like a nuisance.  It actually made me feel almost like God’s adversary; that I had to wrestle Him into releasing something that He didn’t really want to give.  That’s no way to foster a life of prayer.  I don’t know about you, but if I get the feeling that somebody’s annoyed with me, I tend to look for friendship somewhere else.

So that first weekend, I took a class entitled “Bridal Intercession.”  The lesson I learned was centered in the story of Esther.  What I had never considered in Esther’s story is that when she approached the king with her request, she was also approaching the one who was greatly in love with her.  If you recall, the king had asked for all the beautiful, single women of the land (which was impressively expansive) to take a full year to make themselves beautiful, and then present themselves to him.  He picked Esther.  He loved her more than all the other women.  So the big lesson I learned was that God, the Judge, the One who hears my prayers, is madly in love with me.  When Esther approached the king, she had not seen him for a full month.  Even though I go through dry seasons where I lag in my commitment to prayer, I can have confidence that He still loves me.  My favourite verse from the Song of Solomon is: “O my dove…let me see your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet and your face is lovely” (SOS 2:14).  No matter where I’m at, or how far I’ve been away, He is still captured by one glance of my eyes.  He loves it each and every time I turn to Him.  And I have found that if I can remind myself of this fact, in the face of all the condemnation and guilt I feel for falling short and choosing worthless, fleeting things instead of communion with the One who loves me, then I can easily get back to living a lifestyle of prayer.  I don’t know about you, but if I get the feeling that somebody’s REALLY happy to see me, I tend to spend as much time with them as I can.  I’m a real sucker for love and acceptance.

So I encourage you to fight to remind yourself of this fact:  that God is deeply in love with you, and that He actually moves at the sound of your voice.  Even if you feel condemned over a lack of pursuit, it’s okay!  He gets it!  Jesus walked in our shoes, He knows the weakness of our flesh and the temptations we face.  And just like the father of the prodigal son, He runs to us when we turn to Him again.  We take 1 step, He takes 10.  So if you keep falling off the bandwagon (like me), take heart:  He still REALLY likes you, and He still wants to hear your voice and see your face in the secret place.

- Brad