A pilgrimage

My journey in prayer has had its ups and downs as I suppose everyone’s does.

I remember connecting with the Presence or Person of God in a very simple way throughout my childhood and teenage yrs. It would often happen as I looked up into a beautiful blue sky, marveled at a mountain top view or sat with the Word open before me. I’d find myself knowing that God was there and would begin singing little songs that just seemed to drop into my heart. I recall feeling the pleasure or smile of the Lord upon me during these times as early as age 8. Communion with God was simple and joyful. As I drew near to Him, He drew near to me.

As I grew older – and therefore busier – these times of communion became fewer and farther between. The Lord would faithfully invite me to come aside in His still, small ways, but I found there were many distractions that ate at my time and I had to make more of a conscious choice to quiet my heart and turn my thoughts toward Him in prayer.

In  2001, I attended an internship at a house of prayer in Kansas City and was suddenly thrown into a full-time lifestyle of worship, prayer and teaching on intercession. It was one of the wisest things I’ve done in my life but it was also an intense period of wrestling with mindsets I’d previously had as well as anything else that rose to the surface as I brought my cold, weak heart before the fire of God on a daily basis. It was all my heart had longed for but before long I found myself looking at others and how they “did prayer” or communed with God and began comparing myself to them. In the midst of rich teaching on the great saints and intercessors of old, I started to get confused about how exactly I should commune with God and for a while was very disillusioned with all of the terminology and 8 step methods to communion that seemed to be out there. My personality is one that wants to get it right the first time, so it was frustrating to find that what “worked” for one heart was not working for me. One thing that encouraged me through this time was a friend who shared from her own experience in prayer that whether she felt God’s Presence and was moved to tears, or sat in dry, barren silence the whole time, the reality was that God was there and that it counted that she had given of her time to be before Him. He had written the day in His book and the ball was in His court, so to speak. We just needed to be faithful with our part.

One day while struggling to enter in or really connect with God, I remembered how easy things had been when I was younger and it was like a light went on in my heart. “Wait a minute! I know how to commune with God! I draw near to Him and He draws near to me! I go for a walk and He reveals Himself in the beauty of nature. I turn my radio off when I’m driving and talk to Him.” It was a reminder of how He had trained my heart in the past and I realized then that I had gotten away from the simplicity of what it looked like for me to spend time with Jesus. Paul wrote of this to the Corinthians in 2 Cor. 11:3 “But I am afraid that just as Eve was deceived by the serpent’s cunning, your minds may somehow be led astray from your sincere and pure devotion to Christ.”

I’d like to say that I’ve been rock solid in my prayer life ever since, but it’s been a constant learning curve as life has brought more responsibility and opportunity for distraction with the blessings of marriage and children. I’ve found that it’s very easy for me to compartmentalize my spiritual life and my practical life over the past few years and I am constantly coming back to the truth that He is with me and wants to speak and encounter my heart in the midst of the mundane.

I’m thankful that this journey in prayer is just that: a pilgrimage.  I don’t have to walk it alone and it’s as simple as reaching out to hold the hand of the One who’s walked this road before me as I sing my simple song of love.

- Melissa