Ephesians 5:14, “Therefore He says: ‘Awake, you who sleep, arise from the dead, and Christ will give you light.’ ”
I have been in this tense battle lately. Allow me to ramble about this. I speak of the battle where the most important things I want to get done are put aside more and more, and the least important things are taking more and more from me. It’s the age-old struggle of the one who has committed his heart, even his life, to living out Psalm 27:4. It’s what the Song of Songs calls the “little foxes” that steal the grapes. I’m living in this tension of making time for the things that my heart desires versus the things that seemingly “have to get done” in the day-to-day life. Why does it seem like there’s the hollywood version of my spiritual life that I’d like to live, and then there’s the WNY version that I’m settling for?
I have 4 kids who I’d love to see leading a prayer set in a house of prayer someday – seven days a week, of course. I imagine my girl singing her heart out from the Psalms or the Song of Solomon, because of the love that’s alive inside of her. I see my three boys praying diligently for healing, prophecy, and salvation to break out in the Western New York region. I can see God’s heart moved by their petitions, and their songs of devotion, and I can even see Him releasing it, “just because.” It feels like I can see this thing happening so clearly, but then I wake up from my dream and see that it’s 8am and I have to get dressed, shovel the snow off my car, and get to work for my 9 to 5 job.
Interesting to me that we’ve started this blog about “living a lifestyle of prayer in a busy world”, and most of what we’re doing is struggling through the mud and talking about it. At our meetings, we’re encouraging one another along and pressing in to see more of God’s presence, and we are even graced with His presence, but then the meeting’s over and we all go our separate ways… back to our homes, back to our jobs.
At home, we pray with our kids throughout the day for various things. We talk about Jesus and what He’s done for us, how much He loves us, and who He is to us. The kids love to pray – they even add to each others’ prayers at the dinner table (it’s cute to see). One time, Anna forgot to ask Jesus to heal us (we’ve all been sick the past two weeks), so Elijah decided to add that at the end of Anna’s prayer. Anna responded with, “LET ME! …and Jesus heal us, amen.” Anna and Elijah are learning verses to memorize each week, and they are doing really well with them. We stress forgiveness in their relationships with each other, and with us parents. Is it enough? I can’t help but wonder if they’ll be equipped for the days ahead. Maybe my concern is a good thing.
I look at this “WNY version” of my life and I realize that the struggle is tough, but maybe eventually it’ll be rewarding. I have to stay up quite late some nights just to get some time with my Bible… with my Lord. And then there are other nights where I wished I would have opened my Bible. I wish that I could have had some “face time” with God before I headed into the next day. The ache inside of me continues to bring me back to this reality that without Jesus, I have no light… I have no truth… I have no peace. Tonight is one of those late nights where I do have my Bible open, and I am listening to Him. I am remembering that I do need to “stay awake”, as Paul says to the Ephesians, “Awake, you who sleep, arise from the dead, and Christ will give you light.”
There are many questions that still fill my head at this stage of my life. For Leah and I, living this life and seeking God as we plan our family’s steps is full of questions.
I keep coming back to this verse… “Christ will give you light.” In our dark (immature) understanding, Jesus has faithfully brought His light. There will be questions and there will be struggles in the days to come. I want to know that I have God’s promises fresh on my mind, and etched on my heart. Isn’t that part of the struggle? – to question why you’re here? to question why you do what you do? It’s easy to get caught up in the doubt, especially when the culture around me hasn’t made the same committments as me, and unfortunately, they may not even believe in God.
As I read a couple of verses through in Ephesians 5:15-17, “see then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is,” I realize that Paul had some insight into the struggle of which I am speaking. He was speaking to the Ephesians about something more than love. He was talking to them about the discipline of love. That may be a topic for another blog, but Paul introduces the topic in Eph 5:2, “and walk in love…“ and he then expounds on this walk in more detail throughout chapter 5. He is speaking of the walk that’s entailed in loving Jesus.
Maybe we’ve made our commitments to this fasted lifestyle, or to this love for Jesus, or a re-commitment, or however we worded it. Now we’re here together wondering, “what’s next?” Well, may I say that the next step is to start to walk out this love with discipline - with commitment? Let’s change our lives around and put Christ back in the center. We’re in this for the lengthy ride.
Let’s awaken our hearts. Let’s redeem the time. It may sound odd, but let’s dare to go on this journey with our Savior. As I think about it, this WNY version IS the hollywood version.
Jesus give us grace to pursue Your Heart as You desire us to, amen.
- Kevin