Archive for the 'Weekly (or maybe not so much)' Category

Recovering From “Mom Guilt”

Published by Dalene on October 7, 2010 in Weekly (or maybe not so much).

Every night after the kids are asleep the “mom guilt” sets in & nags at me. There are things I should have said or done, things I should not have said or done, I think of something that would have made one or both of them happy, or would have taught them something more about our family, or about life…the list is endless.

Here is what happened last night: I bathed each of the kids & a short time later, put my 8 month old, Waverly, to bed (I fell asleep nursing her to sleep, but not for too long thankfully). I then went downstairs to join my husband & 3 year old. John wanted a salad for a before bed snack, so he was helping to make it. He wanted to eat while watching his favorite show of the moment, “Caillou”, so I helped him so as to not make a mess. He finished it & asked for more so my husband went to cut up more veggies while John & I laid down, watching the show. Before I knew it, just 10 minutes later, my husband was walking back into the living room & turned off the t.v. John & I had both fallen asleep! The poor little guy was laying on top of my legs – cue the mom guilt! I regretted not staying awake to keep him awake for a number of things: he wanted more food (veggies!), he hadn’t brushed his teeth yet & now wouldn’t get to do it, after teeth brushing comes bible story reading & prayers, & now we missed that too! Not to mention we try to take one last trip to the potty…I wasn’t looking forward to a potential middle-of-the-night accident.

Frustrated, I got up to do some laundry & these things we didn’t get to do plagued me. Coming back to the living room, I looked at my son’s calm, sleeping face & began folding, silently scolding myself. I really can’t stand living with so many regrets about so many little things. I rhetorically asked myself, “What the heck kind of mother am I that I can’t even thoroughly feed my kid, get his teeth brushed, & help him say his prayers?!” Unexpectedly, the Lord encouraged me with this answer:

“The exhausted kind. The kind who wants to do a good job & get everything done, but just cannot. The kind who loves her kids. Let it go. All you need to do is your best and live with that. Learn from your mistakes, & then don’t make them again. You have tomorrow. Tomorrow is my gift to you. This is why my mercies are new every morning.”

So how can I recover from mom guilt? With the healing balm that is the word of God. The Holy Spirit speaks, bringing comfort & encouragement to my soul.

A mother feels a burden toward her children all her life because she bore the burden of housing their creation & early life during pregnancy. Our bodies feed them, clothe them, & protect them, providing the perfect environment. That desire to provide a perfect environment, to some degree, remains. But ultimately it’s the Heavenly Father who knits children together in the womb & He does a perfect job of it. We women strive to continue to care for, mold & shape our children after their birth, but cannot do so flawlessly because too many factors get in the way, including the busyness of life, their own will, & our own imperfection. That’s when mom guilt hits us. Fortunately, just as with their initial creation, formation & growth, it is really God who is controlling the shaping of our kids’ lives, with us assisting as temporary stewards. I hope when I am before Him, He judges me to be a good & faithful servant, most especially when it comes to my ministry to my family. Fortunately, God knows my heart & my intentions.

I kissed my son goodnight, whispering that I was sorry we didn’t get to eat more, brush teeth, use the potty, read a Bible story & say prayers. Looking again at his content, slumbering face, I know he’s not worried about it. Now I’m not either.

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Prayer in the midst of chaos

Published by Meg on June 19, 2010 in Weekly (or maybe not so much).

I never expected to be one to NOT pray, to not spend time with Jesus on a regular basis, to “fall off the wagon” so to speak. . . and it’s happened! But His grace IS SO sufficient for me, in my weaknesses. And I KNOW that no matter what, He is for me, He delights in me, and His affection is FOR me. He is NOT angry with me because I failed to spend time with Him in awhile.
The balance to keep the prayerful life while your “life” is in an uproar, I can attest to that in recent events.
I lost my job
I moved out of my house (an amazing ministry house with a bunch of women)
I moved into my parents home (something I dreaded)
I’m completely broke (unemployment is not happening due to the circumstances of loosing my job)
I am living in what seems like the middle of nowhere
I do not have community at my finger tips
I am utterly alone

One would think that in all that I would have CLUNG to Jesus with all that I am, but I did the exact opposite. I RAN in the other direction and tried to satisfy my brokenness through other means. The purpose of this blog is to talk about living the lifestyle of prayer in a busy world and I feel like I have not been living up to that at all. I feel completely broken, and weak, my world is in an uproar. Everything I thought is not as it is, and I have no idea of what’s going to happen next. I need a breakthrough.

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At What Point Do Our Children Become Intercessors?

Published by Dalene on April 19, 2010 in Weekly (or maybe not so much).

Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it.”

I’ve had a difficult time lately writing a post…I just can’t seem to focus upon any one topic. However, I read this today: Raising Counter-Culture Children & it hit me. I’ve realized that although I’m teaching my children to pray, I need to be more purposeful when doing so. I need to have a plan – a heavenly, divine strategy.

Seems I need to be educated on how to educate my children on the heart of God. Could there be a better job set before me?

In my house we already pray for the health & safety of the pregnant women we know. It’s time to take it a step further now. Although he’s only pushing 3, my son could also be praying for the health & safety of other babies & that all the grown-ups would decide to protect them. We can simplify the language, speak positively, answer questions with care & teach the little ones to care for & intercede for their peers – even the potential ones.

I’ve cried for my long-lost best friends that I’ll never know; when can we stop having to do that? Maybe this next generation won’t have to for very long?! Let’s teach our kids to pray for their potential best friends, classmates, fellow worship team members, & prayer partners. Let’s teach our kids to pray for LIFE. Because really, what are we waiting for?

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Learning Humility in the Everyday Messes

Published by Dalene on March 20, 2010 in Weekly (or maybe not so much).

Let me share with you my facebook status from earlier today: Dalene “tries not to overshare too much but the lack of sleep is fogging my mind…2 whining kids who didn’t sleep enough, boogers & snot, cleaning-up potty training messes, & the tip of my robe belt dipped into the toilet water. (gag!) ~Facebook, take me away!~”

Hours later I checked again & after some friends left some encouraging posts, I posted this in reply: “You’re all great – thank you! BOTH kids are asleep now- that is GRACE. Actually, I ♥ my work…if only I could keep my current position but only do it part-time so I get more time with the kids before they go off to school.”

But…is it grace that my 2 truly wonderful kids are now napping at the same time? Or is it a chance to let God use my kids to show me my weakness? It didn’t occur to me until reading a blogpost by the IHOP-KC titled “The Humility of God”, that I realized what a whiner I was being.

The quiet gives me a chance to see my lack of humility. I wonder why I think a 2.5 year old should be perfect & not wipe his nose on his sleeve (or the couch), or always make it to the potty on time? Is it really that difficult for me (or that low beneath me) to clean up someone else’s mess? *Especially* when it’s someone whom I love with all my heart? Why do I think my 2 month old should sleep as well in the daytime as she does at night? Since she does sleep so well at night, can I blame her for wanting to stay nestled in the safety, security & warmth of my arms during the day?

Jesus lived during a time without so many of our basic conveniences that we consider “necessities”. I get grossed out by the tip of my robe’s belt landing in the toilet water, but don’t realize how fortunate I am that I have a comfy robe to wear & a nice washing machine in which to clean it. Nevermind that I have a toilet with running water…what did Jesus use? How did He clean Himself? I doubt He had a warm shower, lathering up with lavender-scented body wash on a mesh pouf. Jesus wore a different kind of “Old Spice”.

Here’s a quote from the IHOP blog post I referred to: “Humility is the true fragrance of God, and it gives an effective witness for the kingdom. Our words, our attitudes, and our facial expressions must always be soaked in humility as we go out and when we’re at home. He is exalted and glorified when we choose to put on humility.” If humility is the true fragrance of God, then I stink.

How did I react when the potty mistake mess & ensuing robe belt “disaster” happened? I was frustrated; I yelled. I was definitely not soaked in humility & I taught my son how to throw the adult version of a temper tantrum. What a poor witness I was today (OK, most days) with those precious hearts entrusted to me.

Lord, I thank you for leading me to see Your truth today. I pray that beginning now, even before they wake up from their divinely appointed naps, You would continue to use the power of Your Holy Spirit to remind me of Your teachings & convict me of the example I leave for my kids. Please help me to teach them self-control in stress they encounter, resilience, & to rely upon You. May I be a woman whose children remember her, not for short temper, frustrated yelling, & pride, but for her patience, kindness, & humility. I pray You humble my heart so that I may better reveal Your character to them, leading their hearts to Yours. In Jesus’ name, amen.

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The Word became flesh and moved into our neighborhood

Published by Meg on February 18, 2010 in Weekly (or maybe not so much).

Following Jesus is the way to enter into the struggle and find true freedom. The way is the way of the cross, and true freedom is the freedom found in the victory over death. Jesus’ total obedience to his Father led him to the cross, and through the cross to a life no longer subject to the competitive games of this world. Jesus held onto nothing, not even to satisfying religious experiences. His words “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” give us a glimpse of the complete surrender of Jesus to his Father. Nothing was left for him to cling to. In this complete surrender he found total unity and total freedom. – The Road To Day Break, Henri J. Nowen.

I’ve been reading this book called The Only Necessary Thing; Living a Prayerful Life by Henri J. Nowen. This book is a variety of excerpts taken from all of his books. I’ve read Clowning in Rome – which I highly recommend. And, The Way Of The Heart. Both two solid books on a lifestyle of prayer and devotion (i.e. a purposeful consecrated lifestyle). I really enjoy the way Henri speaks of these things. He does in such a manner that leaves a resounding “Yes” in my spirit. The things I think, and feel, and know are truths, and they are the knowledge of God. In Him all the fullness dwells, and in Him we find life and love and freedom. He calls us to come away with Him to those secret hidden places – only to find our true selves, and in those secret places He pours out an immeasurable abundance of His love and grace and frees us up to be who we’ve always been. It’s such a refreshing thought.
I am unique. I am unlike any other human on this earth. I think things and feel things differently than any other human being. I am alone in the way I perceive the world. But I am not lonely. God sees my uniqueness and calls me lovely, I am accepted in the Beloved.
Oh the love of Jesus!

- Meg

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Awake o sleepers!

Published by Kevin on February 10, 2010 in Weekly (or maybe not so much).

Ephesians 5:14, “Therefore He says: ‘Awake, you who sleep, arise from the dead, and Christ will give you light.’ ”

I have been in this tense battle lately.   Allow me to ramble about this.   I speak of the battle where the most important things I want to get done are put aside more and more, and the least important things are taking more  and more from me.   It’s the age-old struggle of the one who has committed his heart, even his life, to living out Psalm 27:4.  It’s what the Song of Songs calls the “little foxes” that steal the grapes.  I’m living in this tension of making time for the things that my heart desires versus the things that seemingly “have to get done” in the day-to-day life.  Why does it seem like there’s the hollywood version of my spiritual life that I’d like to live, and then there’s the WNY version that I’m settling for?

I have 4 kids who I’d love to see leading a prayer set in a house of prayer someday – seven days a week, of course.  I imagine my girl singing her heart out from the Psalms or the Song of Solomon, because of the love that’s alive inside of her.  I see my three boys praying diligently for healing, prophecy, and salvation to break out in the Western New York region.  I can see God’s heart moved by their petitions, and their songs of devotion, and I can even see Him releasing it, “just because.”  It feels like I can see this thing happening so clearly, but then I wake up from my dream and see that it’s 8am and I have to get dressed, shovel the snow off my car, and get to work for my 9 to 5 job.

Interesting to me that we’ve started this blog about “living a lifestyle of prayer in a busy world”, and most of what we’re doing is struggling through the mud and talking about it.  At our meetings, we’re encouraging one another along and pressing in to see more of God’s presence, and we are even graced with His presence, but then the meeting’s over and we all go our separate ways… back to our homes, back to our jobs.

At home, we pray with our kids throughout the day for various things.  We talk about Jesus and what He’s done for us, how much He loves us, and who He is to us.  The kids love to pray – they even add to each others’ prayers at the dinner table (it’s cute to see).  One time, Anna forgot to ask Jesus to heal us (we’ve all been sick the past two weeks), so Elijah decided to add that at the end of Anna’s prayer.  Anna responded with, “LET ME!  …and Jesus heal us, amen.”   Anna and Elijah are learning verses to memorize  each week, and they are doing really well with them.  We stress forgiveness in their relationships with each other, and with us parents.  Is it enough?  I can’t help but wonder if they’ll be equipped for the days ahead.  Maybe my concern is a good thing.

I look at this “WNY version” of my life and I realize that the struggle is tough, but maybe eventually it’ll be rewarding.  I have to stay up quite late some nights just to get some time with my Bible… with my Lord.   And then there are other nights where I wished I would have opened my Bible.  I wish that I could have had some “face time” with God before I headed into the next day.   The ache inside of me continues to bring me back to this reality that without Jesus, I have no light… I have no truth… I have no peace.  Tonight is one of those late nights where I do have my Bible open, and I am listening to Him.  I am remembering that I do need to “stay awake”, as Paul says to the Ephesians, “Awake, you who sleep, arise from the dead, and Christ will give you light.”

There are many questions that still fill my head at this stage of my life.   For Leah and I, living this life and seeking God as we plan our family’s steps is full of questions.

I keep coming back to this verse… “Christ will give you light.”   In our dark (immature) understanding, Jesus has faithfully brought His light.  There will be questions and there will be struggles in the days to come.  I want to know that I have God’s promises fresh on my mind, and etched on my heart.  Isn’t that part of the struggle? – to question why you’re here?  to question why you do what you do?  It’s easy to get caught up in the doubt, especially when the culture around me hasn’t made the same committments as me, and unfortunately, they may not even believe in God.

As I read a couple of verses through in Ephesians 5:15-17, “see then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil.  Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is,”  I realize that Paul had some insight into the struggle of which I am speaking.  He was speaking to the Ephesians about something more than love.  He was talking to them about the discipline of love.  That may be a topic for another blog, but Paul introduces the topic in Eph 5:2, “and walk in love…“  and he then expounds on this walk in more detail throughout chapter 5.  He is speaking of the walk that’s entailed in loving Jesus.

Maybe we’ve made our commitments to this fasted lifestyle, or to this love for Jesus, or a re-commitment, or however we worded it.  Now we’re here together wondering, “what’s next?”  Well, may I say that the next step is to start to walk out this love with discipline - with commitment?  Let’s change our lives around and put Christ back in the center.  We’re in this for the lengthy ride.

Let’s awaken our hearts.  Let’s redeem the time.  It may sound odd, but let’s dare to go on this journey with our Savior.  As I think about it, this WNY version IS the hollywood version.

Jesus give us grace to pursue Your Heart as You desire us to, amen.

- Kevin

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Sanctuary

Published by Dalene on January 31, 2010 in Weekly (or maybe not so much).

The definition of “sanctuary” from dictionary.com:
1. a sacred or holy place.
2. Judaism.
a. the Biblical tabernacle or the Temple in Jerusalem.
b. the holy of holies of these places of worship.
3. an especially holy place in a temple or church.
4. the part of a church around the altar; the chancel.
5. a church or other sacred place where fugitives were formerly entitled to immunity from arrest.
6. immunity afforded by refuge in such a place.
7. any place of refuge; asylum.
8. a tract of land where birds and wildlife, esp. those hunted for sport, can breed and take refuge in safety from hunters.

I’ve always thought that a person’s home should be their sanctuary, their safe haven from the craziness of the world. Beginning my maternity leave just before giving birth to my 2nd child 1 month ago, I was really looking forward to staying home each day with my 2 kids; my husband works from home so we see him frequently as well. Maybe it’s because I’m an optimist, but I really thought we’d have a great time & that my son would adjust well to his new sister without *any* problems or controversy. He was doing great accepting everything we told him about what life would be like & was looking forward to having a new sibling. For the most part things have been going well & he is gentle with her & gives her kisses. However, today I thought I was going to lose it.
Every chance he got, my 2 yr old would disobey, waking the baby up twice in the process. I’m sure he was just looking for attention, & yes, he sure got it! He spent quite a lot of time in the corner, unfortunately. Anyhow, today my safe haven, my sanctuary, was anything but. It was more stress & chaos than a tough day at work! Stay-at-home moms definitely work hard! The experience made me realize 2 things.
First, it made me ponder, & know just a little bit better, how God feels when we, His children, disobey His word. I don’t mean ignorance, but blatant disobedience. Have you ever knowingly disobeyed the Lord? Ever felt like you were “standing in the corner” or on a “time-out” for a while in life? God doles out the discipline with more love in His heart & a whole lot less anger (Ps. 86:15) than we earthly parents! But each day as a mom I look at my 2 kids & get to know the parent part of God’s heart that much better. It makes me want to be a better daughter.
Second, & my main point, is that He reminded me that the temple veil was torn when Jesus was obedient & completed His mission on the Cross. The holy of holies, the ultimate place of worship, was opened up to us all. 1 Cor. 6:19 tells us that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit. Christ is dwelling within our hearts & with us now & always, to the end of this age & for eternity. In the midst of my little home’s stress & chaos, I was reminded that Jesus is with me through it all. He is right there with me in my boat that is being tossed to & fro in the storm & He is calm. When I remember that He is with me, not only can I tell the storm to calm, but like Peter, even I can walk on the water with Him, by His power.
My sanctuary, my safe haven, was within the whole time.

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Preparing the way…

Published by Melissa on January 18, 2010 in Weekly (or maybe not so much).

I am currently nearing the end of my pregnancy with my second child and despite the fact that I’m generally exhausted after taking care of the absolute basics of family life, I have this overwhelming drive to nest and prepare everything for the baby that is coming soon.
This morning, I’ve been thinking about how this instinct has the power to keep me going when I’d normally (and probably should) be resting. The fun and frustrating aspect of this whole nesting deal is that it is quite often an urgency that I alone feel. When I come up against an obstacle to completing a specific task, it’s easy for others to say, “Relax, we’ve got time to get that taken care of”. And everything inside of me screams, “No! We need to do it now because time is short!”
Having had one baby already, I know that once that little one arrives you’re pretty much involved in their care 24/7 and whatever stage you were at in preparation is what you generally live with.
As I ponder this, I am reminded of the urgency that I am meant to carry of the arrival/return of Jesus Christ. I so often give in to the “Relax, there’s plenty of time” mentality when in fact I need to have the same -if not greater- drive to be fully prepared when He arrives.
Just as I am all of a sudden aware of every bit of dust or clutter in the house, I should be acutely aware of the state of my heart and what “little foxes” are distracting me from full communion and partnership with Jesus.
Whatever measure of oil – reality and intimacy in relationship with God(Matt. 25) – I have when things get dark before His appearing is what I have to carry me through to seeing His face.

So, my prayer in this season is this: “God, give me wisdom to know what is absolutely necessary in preparing for this baby so I don’t over do it, AND give me more hunger and urgency to prepare a place for You in my heart, my home, my city, and my nation. Help me to stick to the task of preparing the way for You even though others might say it’s a waste of time, energy, etc.
And May You find Faith, Love and a dwelling place here in my heart upon your return.” Amen.

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Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, & Jesus our Christ

Published by Dalene on December 19, 2009 in Weekly (or maybe not so much).

Question: One of these things is not like the others. Can you guess which?
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Answer: The Tooth Fairy! Because it isn’t related to a holiday we celebrate. Or because she’s female & the rest are male. Yeah…so obviously the answer is Jesus because He’s the only in the list who isn’t make-believe. He’s REAL & ALIVE! But at one time in my life I would have answered the Tooth Fairy. When I found out there was not a Santa, my immediate line of thinking was in that order: if Santa is fake then so is the Easter Bunny…& the Tooth Fairy…& Jesus too? I questioned momentarily, but decided He is real because I knew people around the world died for His cause, for the Truth. No one risked their life for Santa, a Bunny, or a Fairy. My sister said she followed a similar line of thinking that brought her to questioning Jesus’ existence. I don’t want that for my kids.

The other day I told my 2 year old that Santa is pretend. I specifically said, “Did you know Santa is pretend? Yes, he’s pretend – he’s just something that we talk about & have fun with at Christmas. He’s pretend. But God – Abba – Jesus is real”. He stared at me blankly. I know he knows the concepts of “pretend” & “real” because he has used the words several times before correctly. However, the next day he was talking about Santa with my parents & was “being good so Santa brings him toys”.

My son didn’t even believe me when I told him the truth – that Santa is fake. Then the thought occurred to me…although part of the issue is the influence of society & consumerism upon kids, & part of it is how we present it initially to a child (like my parents “calling” Santa on the phone to get him to behave – which works), I realized that God designed us to believe – to want to have faith in something, or somethings. We want to believe in the mystic, the mysterious, the supernatural, the other-worldly, the unexplainable. God designed us to question & judge, & sometimes be skeptical, sure. But He also, in His infinite wisdom, designed us to be people who specifically look for, & desire to believe in, things out of the ordinary.

Think about how many movies & tv shows have to do with the supernatural & mysterious. There’s a ton. Most of them have absolutely nothing to do with Christ, unfortunately. Part of our make-up is looking for & looking forward to what we cannot logically explain. Those things that seem to defy the natural.

Can we harness this? Can we focus our curiosity on only the things of God & be sure to stay away from those other distractions & lies of the world? Can we use this innate curiosity most of us seem to have to draw others to Christ?

“”The king said to Daniel, “Surely your God is the God of gods and the Lord of kings and a revealer of mysteries, for you were able to reveal this mystery.”" Daniel 2:47 NIV

Daniel continuously used his spiritual gifts to reveal mysteries to those around him, & proclaim that our God truly is the most-high God, the only One who is all-knowing & the “revealer of mysteries”. However, Daniel was only able to do this through 1) God’s grace of course, & 2) living a lifestyle of prayer & fasting. Daniel remained pure when surrounded in a counter-culture. He stayed true to what he knew the Lord wanted. He lived his life always striving to do the right thing; there was no selfish corruption in him. He prayed without ceasing & fasted daily, encouraging others to do the same. Accordingly, God continually rewarded him by strengthening his spiritual gifts, protecting him in impossible situations, promoting him strategically within the kingdom administration, & further opening his eyes to the spiritual. Daniel never had all the answers, but the eyes of his heart were open to the Spirit’s leading. He spoke with angels & had revelation of the end-times.

Can we, like Daniel, live lives of prayer & fasting in such a way that we draw others to Christ? Can we model & teach our children to seek after the mysteries of God, rather than the frivolities of our culture & world? If “we become what we behold”, perhaps we should be sure our children are beholding what we want them to become…

Dalene

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Awakened again

Published by Melissa on December 8, 2009 in Weekly (or maybe not so much).

I’m so thankful that the Lord doesn’t seem to pay much attention to the “do not disturb” sign I sometimes hang on my heart. He is so faithful to gently stir my heart when it becomes a little numb or too out of touch, and even yank on the leash when I’m really getting away from the path He’s laid out for me.
I am quite prone to growing cold and numb on the inside – mostly from a lack of time and energy given to seeking the very One I say is the only one who sustains my heart.
Several years back I had the very uncomfortable revelation that the blazing, sold out love I thought I had for Him was really pitifully weak and wandering. Since then, I have asked Him to hold on to me in His love and grace and to keep me, keep my heart and the flame of love He has lit there from going out.
I was blown away today when listening to an account of how a 15 yr. old girl ‘s declaration of love for Jesus helped ignite the Welsh revival many, many years ago. She simply stood up in a meeting and said ,”I love Jesus, with all of my heart!” What a simple, yet powerful confession. I long to be one who loves the Lord with my whole heart, mind, strength and soul from now into the eternal ages. I so desire that He would find faith, and love, and a resting place in my heart when He looks upon me. I desire to be one with whom He truly dwells.
Oh that my love for this Beautiful and Glorious God-man would be further awakened that I would find ways to be where I know He’s going to be. That nothing else would even begin to compete for time with Him in His incredibly life-giving Presence. Oh that He would further blur the lines between the mundane and the holy. Come Jesus, awaken my heart again.

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